Why Terrorists Did Not Target the South - a skit in which my mother plays all 4 characters

A short skit loosely based upon a recent conversation with my mother...she plays all four characters...

[Scene opens with hapless terrorists Akhmed and Abdullah holding an elderly couple at gunpoint. Their plan is to strap bombs to the elderly couple and send them and their Cadillac crashing into the Walmart headquarters in Bentonville, Arkansas (financial capital of the South) in a second attempt upon America. The couple, Billy Mac and Bessie Mae, are beginning to get the gist of the plan...]

Bessie Mae: Is he talking about that September 9th thing?

Billy Mac: Wasn't September 9th. It was September 11th.

Bessie Mae: No, it was September 9th cuz it was the same day we got that coupon in the mail for the new restaurant. I remember, you had the chili and was sick for days.

Billy Mac: No, it was September 11th cuz I was only sick for 2 days, and they bummed those radio towers when I finally passed it.

Akhmed: Are you joking me? I am not joking you. Shut up.

Bessie Mae: [ignoring Akhmed] They weren't radio towers. They bummed the World towers.

Billy Mac: You dingbat! Any idiot knows you take out communications first. The World towers was just the name of the radio towers. It was a code name.

Bessie Mae: Alls I know is our bathroom stunk for DAYS. I thought I was going to have to call the insurance adjuster.

Abdullah: Stop! Stop this blasphemy from coming out your mouths! Our soldiers martyred themselves. They stood proudly before Allah after killing thousands of infidels. We brought your nation to its knees, and you cannot even remember the date? Everyone knows the date!

Bessie Mae: Honey, I am 83 years old...

Billy Mac: 81

Bessie Mae: ...eighty-one years old, and I don't remember my own name for days at a time. Now, ask me when Truman died, and that I can tell you. It was March 28, 1969.

Billy Mac: It was not. That's when Eisenhower died. Remember? Your dad had a sheep named I Like Ike...

Bessie Mae: Now, that he did. He named it that just to make Mama mad.

Billy Mac: ...and he did not want to sell him but he had to, so he waited until the anniversary of Eisenhower's death out of respect.
[Akhmed drops his rifle and blinks in disbelief. Abdullah is speechless.]

Bessie Mae: Well, you are right about that. Be that as it may, smart aleck, what year did Truman die?

Billy Mac: I don't believe he has yet.

Akhmed: Shut up. Shut up, shut up, Shut Up! You people are too stupid to kill. You are not even worthy of being our sacrifices. I might as well go back to herding goats!
[Akhmed and Abdullah murmur in outrage as they walk away.]

Bessie Mae: Did he say that he hurts goats?

Billy Mac: Might have. You know how them Messkins like to eat cabrito...

[scene fades to black]